5 Steps to Online Dating Success
“Your Fun-Filled Guide to Match-Making the Online Dating Way in 5 Simple Steps!”
Online dating is not all fun and games and there are a lot of things that a person has to know about online dating before one gets into the intricacies of it. Online dating may seem to be the simplest thing in the world but it is not. It should be viewed in all earnestness or things could go haywire. Every game has its rules and unless you know all the rules you just can’t become a good player and eventually a winner.
Tastes Differ
There are so many kinds of people around. Just look around you, how many people you know look the same?
Sizes, builds, shapes, features… are all so different. And that is just about the external appearances. And when it comes to character, it becomes a very different story altogether. Take a trip down memory lane, go back to your classrooms, and take a look around.
A classroom is one place where we get to interact with a lot of different people on a very close basis. We get to rub shoulders and corners with very different people and we get to know them on a one-to-one basis. So how many of your classmates did you genuinely like?
I don’t mean like them as classmates but as people. Was it easy to get along with all of them?
That is why we often end up with best friends or clichés in classrooms. We do not and do not have to like everybody. The tastes and interests of one person might match with ours while the tastes and interests of another person may be at complete loggerheads with ours. So when it comes to dating, it is very much the same story. But over here there are some strings attached. Unlike in a classroom contact, most people go on dates with a more impressive purpose, and that is to find a lifemate.
There are a hundred and one things that should match before two people decide to spend the rest of their lives with each other. Many people are of the opinion that they do not need any help with dating. They may be right because nobody knows a person’s tastes and likes better than the person himself or herself.
Maybe most of us do not need any help in making the right choice but isn’t it good to get a few pointers on the dating process as such, particularly on Online dating? It is with this objective that this matter was prepared so that the thousands who are now availing of Internet dating may get the best out of it.
What Makes Online Dating So Different?
We, human beings have been in this world for so many thousands of years. And since the beginning people have been choosing partners. Cultures across the world are very different and we can come across so many different ways in which people choose their lifemates.
But the concept of finding a life partner with the help of the Internet is a fairly recent concept when compared with the history of mankind as such. Of course, the Internet and computers have influenced man’s life so much that it is no surprise that in the matters of finding a suitable partner too, the Internet has made its presence felt. Online dating is, to put it very simply or flatly, finding a partner with the help of a machine namely the computer via the Internet.
That itself makes the idea and the process a very novel one indeed, Hundreds of happy people across the globe have been successful in finding suitable partners by the means of online dating. But to be frank with you, a lot of not-so-lucky persons have been goofed and jilted by the same process. So in order to make sure that you find a place in the first list let us go into the details of Online dating.
The Magic of the Internet
Everything that applies to the Internet, applies to Online dating as well. The Internet as we know allows for unlimited possibilities in communication, and it is this feature that has proved to be at the same time the biggest boon, as well as bane for online dating.
People can start from scratch and get to know everything about each other before the actual meeting takes place. Tastes and preferences, likes and dislikes, interests and obsessions can be discussed on a one-to-one basis so that when the meeting actually takes place these two people are not in the least strangers to each other. Wonderful, isn’t it? But at the same time, this possibility for unlimited communication leaves a lot of space for guile as well. The human race is endowed with a remarkable ability to use, misuse and abuse the same thing.
And naturally, Online dating too has been and is still being used for vile purposes. The person who is misusing this facility may either be a practical joker or maybe someone with more devious intentions who is out to get some victims. It is because of this reason that a little bit of homework is good before you actually hit the road. But you do not have to worry, the homework has already been painstakingly done for you and all you have to do is run your eyes along the following lines and you will be all set to strike gold.
How Did Online Dating Become So Popular?
The reason is pretty simple. It is very much the same reason that the Internet itself became so popular. The Internet opens up a whole new world of communication and contact. And the reasons for this are given below.
Speed
Try to picture what used to happen earlier in the days when people had to depend on the good ol’ postal system. During those days, a person had to wait for one or two days for a letter to get across to a person who lived in the same state itself. The second person in turn would take one or two days to respond and this letter would take one or two days to get back to the first person.
So in effect, a single correspondence would stretch over a week. But now it’s a totally different story. The time is taken for the first letter and the response has been brought to an amazing 2 minutes! Waiting may make the heart grow fonder but e-mail makes two people get close faster.
Privacy
The Internet provides for absolute privacy too. One can carry out communication with another person in the absolute privacy of one’s bedroom or bathroom or wherever one chooses to be. There is no fear of eavesdropping (ugh) or overhearing (shudder!) thanks to e-mail and chat facilities.
Options and Opportunities
The Internet provides for other options like voice chat or video conferencing and
stops short only of the physical touch. But then who would want to start a
relationship by touching right away?
You can see a person, talk to a person, and listen to the person’s voice, can you
think of a better way to start a date?
Economy
All this and more is possible thanks to the Internet and the best part is that all this comes to you for peanuts. All you need is a PC (who doesn’t have one?) and an Internet Connection (how can anybody live without one?) and you are all set. The only thing more you could ask for is a step-by-step guide to find your dream date…well here it is! So what are we waiting for?
Be Clear About What You Want
We all know that man is a social being. However, man is also a lonely being. (And when we say man, we mean women too). Man longs for company. The company not just from friends and the family, but from that special person with whom he or she can share those sweet nothings, those simple pleasures, and pains, someone with whom he or she can build a whole new life, someone with whom he or she can raise a family of his or her own.
Now, this is a fundamental need of man: to find a life mate. And the most popular method used for this is dating. When we talk about dating in the very finest sense of the word, please understand that dating is not to be viewed as a precursor for sleeping together. It is much more than that. It is the first step towards choosing a life partner and online dating has made the whole process a lot simpler now.
Marriage Versus A Casual Relationship
Now what you do and what you want is entirely your business. I don’t want to sound nosey but I would like to draw a fine line between the kind of dating that is involved in these two quests.
Of course, we are all grown up and so let us act like grown-ups. Obviously, in a casual relationship, we are looking for fun. And mind you, the fun can have a lot of connotations. So here the object of one’s desire will obviously be a person who is not inclined towards a serious relationship.
If both parties are of the same view then it is well and good because they understand each other perfectly and do not expect much from such a relationship. This leaves no room for heartbreak.
It is when one party is in for something more serious and the other party is into sheer frivolousness that the problems start. So you should be absolutely clear about what you are looking for from the start, and you should make your intentions very clear to the other person.
At the same time, you should have no doubts about the intentions of the other person as well. Remember, even if it is a casual relationship, there should be mutual understanding least about the nature of the relationship.
Of course, there is yet another possibility where a casual relationship can blossom into something more serious. But, again in such cases, it is your instincts that can help you identify what is good and what is bad.
No matter how strong a person is, anyone can be taken for a ride or be taken for granted. Being jilted is never a nice experience. So those of you who are going in for a casual relationship, for heaven's sake, be on your guard! Marriage is altogether a different story but we will deal with that later.
Dating Comes From a Fundamental Need
Let’s face it, of course, sex is important, but sex is by far NOT the most important reason for dating. Important! Maybe during the age of thoughtless youth, when new hormones are being pumped in and out, sex is on everyone’s mind. But as one matures (mind you that does not mean growing old and gray) sex takes the back seat and mutual support, likes and dislikes, cooperation, caring, and sharing come to the forefront.
We start thinking about building up a world of our own and we need someone to share it with and not just someone to sleep with. Sex is a fundamental need of every human being. We all have it in us to give and receive physical pleasure. But when you sit and think about it for a minute, you can see that this urge is actually the result of another urge.
There is a more primary urge in every human being to breed and produce offspring, and it is this urge that gives rise to such a powerful sexual desire. But whatever be the urge, the most dignified means to satisfy it is dating. Nobody, not one of us, is complete without a partner; and it is to satisfy this need that people date. Because of this, the rest of this manual will be dedicated not to finding the right sex partner, but to finding the right life partner.
How To Get The Most Out Of Online Dating?
Many people who decide to give online dating a try often end up with their hair singed and their fingers burnt. The reason we decided to put together such a manual is that online dating is not as simple as it looks. You need to know how to go about it in order to get the best out of it.
Most people do not like to take chances and when it comes to finding a life partner people do not want to take chances at all. But you can relax for through this manual we will be dealing with all the do’s and the don’ts and so the whole process will be quite easy and enjoyable to you.
This manual will provide you with step-by-step instructions on how to being online dating. We have no doubts about the decision-making abilities of our readers and so we do not propose to give a lot of advice on the issue. Our purpose is simply to provide a couple of guidelines that we hope our readers will find valuable as they proceed in the attempt to find the perfect partner.
Step 1: Getting Started
Only fools rush in where angels fear to tread
It is always best to approach unfamiliar territory with caution. You need to plan before you actually go out there and start dealing with your cards. Be sure about yourself and be sure about what you want.
Just because anyone and everyone can type out whatever they want in a chat room doesn’t mean that we have to do the same. The Internet has a wonderful quality of being accessible to everyone.
But this same quality attracts all kinds of people into it. But just because a lot of people who enter a chat room have only dirt on their minds, it doesn’t mean that everyone is like that. If you stick to the class that you have and maintain your poise, you can indeed get the right kind of response.
There are a lot of nice people using the Internet, but it all depends on what you do. Do unto others what you want them to do to you is the golden rule that applies here. There are no rules for the game. All are players out there. But just because others are ruffians, it doesn’t mean that you have to be one too.
Your approach is the only thing that can get you the kind of response that you want. I don’t think that it is very sensible to decide all of a sudden that you would like to use the Internet to get a date. By just entering a chat room and saying “I’m available” you are merely putting yourself up for sale, and will most likely not get the results you desire.
One point that all of us have to understand is that in a chat room, all are equal. Do not go by the misconception that entering a chat room is like sauntering into a ballroom dressed in your best. Then everyone turns to stare at you and the most eligible person (read that as the sexiest person of the opposite sex) catches your eye and makes his or her way towards you.
That kind of thing happens only in James Bond movies and we all know that James Bond never goes in for a serious relationship. It’s all fun and games for him.
Where Do You Start?
The first tip we would like to give you is NOT to go straight away into a singles’ chat room and try to find somebody who would interest you. All of us know that most of such chat rooms are virtually flooded with people who have only one thing on their minds — sex.
So, no matter what you ask for, it always ends up in that and the purpose is defeated. You will never get the kind of person who kind of matches your interests and tastes. Sometimes it can really get quite infuriating. Everything starts off well. You are having a nice conversation with a person and warming up when all of the sudden, the topic moves towards the three-letter word.
You let out a sigh and either have to bar messages from that person and risk the person bad-mouthing you in a public chat room. Usually, you have to leave the chat room altogether.
In other words, it is the easiest thing to get someone to sleep with you but if you are looking for something more enduring, like a partner for life, then you are going to have to be a little more patient. The pick of the litter is not easy to find. But you do find it; it is going to be worth the effort.
What Interests You In A Person?
This is probably the more important part of the story. Each one of us has to sit and think about what we would like in another person. Having the same interests doesn’t necessarily mean that you can get along with a person.
For example, if you a person who likes to talk a lot, it doesn’t mean that you could like another person who likes to talk a lot as well. If two people try to keep talking at the same time then obviously, there cannot be any dialogue.
So also, if you are the silent reserved type and the other person too is the silent reserved type, there will hardly be any dialogue at all! The word over here is “compatible.” The interests of partners should complement each other and not clash.
Friends First
Try to look at this endeavor not as a prospective husband/wife hunt but as an effort to make a lot of friends, and I mean good friends. Friends that you can laugh aloud with, friends who make you laugh.
Not everyone can make us laugh, and when I say laugh, I am not referring to some comedian. We are talking about friends here. It really does pay to have a lot of friends. It makes one's life richer. The best thing about friends is that you can be yourself with them. And they too can be themselves with you.
And that means letting it all out. We must remember that apart from being the dutiful husband or wife, your spouse should be your best friend as well. That is one mistake that most couples make. They tend to look upon their friends and their spouses as separate.
While it is perfectly ok to have your own friends, your best friend should always be your husband or wife. It should be someone you can share your dreams and fears with, someone who understands, someone who can give your hand a gentle squeeze when things go wrong and someone who can brighten up your darkest day.
Mr. Right and Ms. Wrong
But then, what if the person who proposes to you wasn’t really what you had in mind? Well, the choice is yours of course; you can take it or leave it. But there is a point worth considering over here.
If we can find someone that we love that is good, but if we find someone who loves us, isn’t that better? But I would also like to add a word over here. Suppose someone does come and propose to you but unfortunately, you are not in the least interested? You have every right to turn the proposal down but please do it gracefully.
There is no need to hurt the other person’s ego. This person is obviously a friend of yours, and surely you care deeply for them. However, if you know that you cannot marry this person, a turned-down proposal is better than a divorce. Try to explain your feelings in the gentlest way possible.
Step 2: Making Yourself Look Like A Million Dollars
Brevity is Key
Another crucial thing about writing your profile is that you should keep it as brief as possible. Nobody and that means nobody wants to read through lines and lines of another person’s profile.
If you make it so long-winded the person who is reading it will get the idea that you are the kind of person who would love to keep on talking about yourself and instead of going on a date with you, the reader would rather curl up and die.
But that doesn’t mean that you have to limit the whole thing to just a few words. A too-brief profile would sound as if you do not have time for all this, but you are just doing it for the heck of it. The best style that you could use would be to be 100% natural.
Write your profile as you would describe yourself to a person directly. The conversation style has the widest appeal I might add. Make it simple and stay away from big words and hackneyed expressions.
You are Unique
Think about it for a minute. Look at yourself in the mirror. Do you look like anyone else that you know? We all look so different though essentially we have been endowed with the same external characteristics, which are one nose, one mouth, two eyes and two ears.
So in spite of having the same building blocks, if we can look so different why do we have to sound alike? Think about yourself in a different way. Do not just consider your likes and dislikes when you are writing your profile, consider your endearing qualities as well. Endearing qualities, what are those? Those are those qualities which make you liked by others. Of course, these are things that we never bother, about but maybe we should.
So what I would suggest would be to ask your best friends why they like you. Who knows, their answers just might surprise you! But at least you will get an idea of what you can include in your profile. You could try out the following exercise to find out what kind of a person you are. I won’t say that the results are absolutely foolproof but they certainly might be interesting.
Step 3: Letting The Relationship Blossom Right
So now we are as ready as we can be with our interests all chalked out and our profiles posted. It is the perfect picture. It is almost like being seated alone at this posh restaurant, dressed to kill, with a glass of champagne in one hand and the other hand swung over the back of the chair. You have a smile on your lips, a twinkle in your eye, and an invitation on your face. So what happens next? This person who appears to be the perfect match for you catches your eye and saunters towards you. Now, what do you do?
Please remember that the description above was pertaining to a virtual environment. In effect, what we meant is that while you spend time idling in a chat room, this is the mood that you are going to generate. So what happens when a person takes the cue and starts chatting?
Well, that really is an intelligent question. I would like to make one thing straight over here. The Internet is like any other highway. It is not safe until you get to know your way around. So what I would suggest would be to trust your instincts and proceed with caution. You can sound like a very warm person but please be extremely cautious about giving out any personal information.
Small Talk
There are few topics that are best for the initial talks so that intimacy is not developed and at the same time you do not have to struggle for matters of common interest. You can talk about the weather, sports, movies, music and even food. But at the same, it is in bad taste to discuss religion, politics, and family matters in the initial stages.
You can crack jokes but dirty jokes are an absolute no-no at least in the first few talks. Once you have talked more than once or twice and you feel comfortable with the person you can give the person your e-mail address but remember this is the first step towards virtual intimacy so you have to trust your instincts and nothing else. This takes things out of the public chat rooms and into the private inboxes.
Step 4: Meeting Face To Face
Once you have started talking over the telephone, then the relationship has already taken wings, then is no reason to postpone a direct meeting. So what are we waiting for? But wait; there is no need to push it.
You should not sound over-anxious to meet this girl or guy. Let the decision to meet evolve over a number of telephone calls. And there are certain things that you can bear in mind before you really meet.
Offline Dating: How To Make That Great Impression
When you are dating online, you have a lot of things to your advantage. For example, the other person does not really see you and you do not really have to bother about appearances. You can devote your entire energy towards sounding intelligent and witty.
But when you are actually seated in front of a person, there are a thousand things that you have to pay attention to. There are many people who believe that it is not really important to keep up appearances. They feel that it is more important to be oneself. It sounds good enough.
But on your first date at least you certainly have to keep up appearances. The other person should not feel ashamed to be seen around with you and so you should try as hard as possible to avoid that faux pas. Let us start with your physical appearance.
While I did mention earlier that you do not have to be dressed to kill, it is very important that you have to appear well-groomed. Take special care about things like nails, hair, and teeth. Check for bad breath too because that indeed is the worst turn-off. What you wear should not be loud and attract the wrong kind of attention. Choose something that you are comfortable in and at the same time that looks good on you.
Ladies, please be careful about your make-up, and remember that make-up is meant to accentuate your looks not to hide it. It is best to avoid garish colors. You should smell good of course but don’t overdo it.
We certainly don’t want you to remain in the other person’s memory as just one strong smell. Men, please take care to go in for masculine scents like musk, or smells from nature. Women, keep it as light and dainty as possible.
The Secret is Charm
All the things that have been said so far are about how you can create a favorable impression. There is something that is equally or even more important than that, and that is to make the other person feel comfortable.
Help the other person relax. Anyway, you have been chatting for quite some time so you do know a great deal about each other. The best thing you can do is to ease the tension and break the ice. Sometimes the ice gets so thick that you can literally feel it. Break it up by cracking a joke or two.
But the joke should be spontaneous and in keeping with the situation or else, it will fall flat. Do not rehearse a joke because a rehearsed joke sounds…well…rehearsed. The keyword here is the charm. Use all the charm that you can muster. Try to be as considerate and as thoughtful as possible.
Do not dominate the conversation but try to get the other person talking. People generally love to talk about themselves so try to get the other person talking by asking about the person’s work. Show interest in whatever the other person says.
Gifts?
It is a good idea to take a gift along with you as that does create a good impression, but remember that when you are courting the gifts should be limited to flowers or chocolates only. While you are chatting try to find out what the other person likes in flowers and chocolates.
You certainly don’t want to give the person flowers that he or she is allergic to. The object of your gift should not be to woo the person but to create a good and lasting impression. There is no sense in splurging a lot on your first date for there is no rule that every thing should work out well the first time itself.
Do not overdo it and at the same time do not appear cheap and stingy either. However, if the other person has forgotten to bring you a gift, be quick to reassure the person that it is perfectly alright.
Do not let the other person feel uneasy. In fact, that is a wonderful way to make the conversation light. You can jokingly tell the other person to get you a gift the next time.
Step 5: Once Bitten…
Many of my readers might be worried that everything does not work out like has been described, what would they do? Or in other words, if this first date does not work out what should they do?
The answer is very simple, repeat the whole process again!
Let’s go back to where we started. Remember, this is a chance to find the partner for life so we might have to grow many plants before we get the right harvest. I am not talking about two-timing here.
What I mean is that instead of putting all your eggs in one basket, keep the avenues open. Don’t just bank on one person, because if that doesn’t work out, you might lose heart. You can hope for the best but expect the contrary as well. Only every lucky one gets the right pick at the first go itself. For the rest of us, we just have to keep trying till we succeed.
Another advantage of trying out different people is that you can get to choose. It should not be that you just flipped for the first guy or girl who came your way. Take your time, give yourself some breathing space and then make the right decision. Nobody can force you into making a commitment. It should be completely your choice.
Of course, if you get the right cues and something deep down inside tells you that this is the right person for you, then what are you waiting for, go ahead and show the green signal. But on the other hand, if someone is trying to force you into making a commitment and you feel hard-pressed, gently try to break away. All you have to do is put your foot down very firmly and tell the person that you need more time.
However, it is not good to keep a person waiting indefinitely. Tell the person that you need perhaps a week’s time or more than that. But don’t let the person realize that you are checking out other people. Just tell them that this is probably the most important decision in your life so you just want to be sure.
Summery
I would like to add one word about signing off. In case things do not work out please take care to part gracefully. In such instances, it is not the best decision to say such things over chat.
The other person may put forward some very uncomfortable questions that you will have a tough time answering. The best thing you could do is send the person an e-mail telling him or her that he or she was not really what you had in mind, but you would like to remain, good friends, all the same.
You do not have to worry about being pestered by the other person in the future; the “good friends” part never fails. Most people dislike being called a good friend after a close encounter. In most cases, the relationship just fizzles out after this. However please remember that it is indeed bad manners to part without a word and just stop answering emails without any information at all.
Some people do that because they do not want to offend the other person. But such callousness is really worse. So that is all about it. You know everything that is to be known and the ball is now well and truly in your courts.
So what are you waiting for, why don’t you go out there and make your presence felt and come back with the catch of a lifetime? I don’t think that we have left any stones unturned and from here I’m sure that on your first date everything will be well in your control.
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